JE #3A

Being born in the Unites States but coming from a Mexican family, I definitely have felt a sense of cultural schizophrenia throughout my life. I consider myself a Mexican-American but its difficult to actually merge these two cultures together. Starting with language, I grew up speaking Spanish up until I went to kindergarten and was enrolled in bilingual education. At the time I was confused as to why I had to learn English because I was so used to speaking Spanish at home. But looking back I feel like that was the beginning of forming my Mexican-American identity. I had to learn how to fit into the American society while at the same time staying in touch with my family's culture. Nevertheless, I am grateful that I had the opportunity to practice both English in Spanish in school because I take pride in the fact that I speak 2 languages and I am able to communicate with my family members who only speak Spanish. As far as religion, I grew up Catholic and going to church every Sunday was normal. But as I got older, I didn't feel the need to go as much and I'm not sure if that was due to a personal disinterest in the religion or if some sort of societal expectations came into play. I still call myself Catholic but I definitely have grown apart from the actual practice of the religion. Another aspect of cultural schizophrenia that I personally experience comes from physical attributes. Like I said before, I am a proud Mexicana but since I am fair-skinned, people I meet for the first time always assume I'm white. I sometimes feel the need to prove my "Mexican-ness" because of this and I end up asking myself why. Is it just because of my skin tone? Is it because I act a certain way that people assume I'm not Mexican? I wouldn't say this had led to a full-fledged identity crisis because at the end of the day I am Mexican and I am a Chicana but the way in which I present myself to others and how I see myself becomes a constant struggle and adds to the notion of cultural schizophrenia.