JE #3A

Cultural Schizophrenia is a mixing of cultures, a lack of understanding of our place in a duality, in a Nepantla. I am living in many spaces that contradict my identities. Being in academia, being bilingual, being a U.S Citizen, being bisexual, being oaxaquena in this country; all these aspects serve to create a hybrid of cultures and experiences, it’s my state of duality, my cultural schizophrenia. I am a person of privilege, granted access to many resources due to my documentation status, while my siblings have been told that their documentation status hindered their ability to access any type of education after high school. Culturally schizophrenic because my experience as a citizen of this country doesn’t reflect the fear I hold when “La Tijuanita,” the impoverished neighborhood I reside in, spread rumors that La migra might be roaming the streets of the agricultural lands of our hometown, a place where my parents are expected to work to get food on the table. This is my biggest disconnect, living in fear of my family being taken away, while knowing that if that were to ever happen I would be forced to be in the country without them, one that does not reflect the culture I feel at home.

In addition, I face cultural schizophrenia in regards to the two languages I speak, both flawed and colonized. Knowing English in a Spanish speaking household and knowing Spanish in an English Speaking society, both have impacted my perception of what is right and wrong by the way in which we use our tongues. This idea the inferiority came from the usage of the Spanish tongue and the superiority and power came from the usage of the English tongue, both these ideologies rooted in the inferiority I felt when having to translate for my parents in the market, the superiority I felt when teachers commented on my “good” English, “You speak really well English for a Mexican,” they said. This cultural schizophrenia has led to me to feel a disconnect with my Spanish tongue and especially the native tongue of the lands of Oaxaca, the same one that my parents refused to learn because it was deemed savage upon their migrations to this country.

Lastly, I feel somewhat of culturally schizophrenia due to my place in academia, both a form of resistance but a form of colonization of my culture. Through this academic setting I’ve been able to gain opportunities once I finally get out of this institution, some that my siblings were never encouraged to attain. However, through this education I am also incorporating myself into the western civilization, one that doesn’t necessarily cater to the struggles and progression of our people. I am both combatting and joining this oppressive institution and that is something that I am battling with myself to understand. When I go back home and I argue with my father about his patriarchal being and sexist ideologies, I listen to the privilege come out of my mouth as he stares with amazement with this voice I hold of “superiority” because of this place that has provided me with this knowledge, one that my father was never offered due to his many identities that said education wasn’t for him. I hear the privilege, but can’t help but want to continue being in here due to my need to transform the struggle of my family to give back to them and to change this system that has made it extremely difficult for our communities to move forward.

Cultural Schizophrenia a place where incompatible cultures exist, a place where customary beliefs and antagonists parts of our identities co-exist, a mixing, a middle-ground, a place where Nepantla is home.