JE #3A

Cultural schizophrenia to me means a battle between two cultures, an internal struggle a individual experiences. As a Chicana I have experienced this battle. Feeling torn with representing my American citizenship and Mexican heritage. I refuse to assimilate so that makes me unpatriotic, but I also celebrate American traditions so that makes me a traitor to my culture. The Chicana identity exemplifies cultural schizophrenia. As a Chicana lesbian I have also experienced being pulled in opposite directions between cultural values. Chicanas are not meant to be open with their sexuality, especially when we desire the same sex. Being a lesbian is a direct attack on my cultural values. It is one thing to have desire for the same sex, but to act on those desires and be proud of my joteria community is going against my family and my culture. This has led me to feel like I’m having an identity crisis, a disconnect between my culture and myself. When I was younger, I strived to the “perfect Chicana,” and I knew being a lesbian was forbidden in my culture. It wasn’t until I got older that I learned the perfect Chicana entailed a mujer that kneeled to the patriarchal order in the Chicano community. I realized I don’t want to be this perfect Chicana. I rather be a happy Chicana, in love with herself and her partner. I had to let go of trying to please my culture because I realized in doing so I was sacrificing my own happiness. In a crisis, we have to choose. I chose myself, I chose happiness. I refused to be torn between my cultural values and myself. I accepted the fact that my culture sees me as Malinche, a traitor. But I choose to focus on how I see myself, a proud Chicana lesbian, loyal to her culture and her joteria.