JE#2

What we learn as history is not necessarily going to be how it all occurred. Every individual has their own recollection of events based on their personal biases or personal history. And more so than the variations in historical tellings by individuals is the difference in how stories are recounted by the people who have the power and influence from conquering others. Learning about the U.S.-Mexico War through history books written through the eyes of the conquerors focuses on the glorious achievements of the Anglos in Texas and the erased or morphed actions of the Mexicans. We learned of the missteps of our ancestors and the lack of importance of Mexico while being bathed in the continual greatness of the U.S. We did not learn about the blatantly racist speeches made by people such as Sam Houston during the time of the U.S.-Mexico war. I vaguely remembered what the significance of the Battle of the Alamo was from learning of it in middle school. And I do not remember placing the battle within the context of the stealing of Mexican land. I never understood the concept of land belonging to countries and never understood borders and still don’t so I remember being angry learning about how money was given for the land that the U.S. took from Mexico. Mainstream media did not give me the information to understand that the rest of the U.S. is not only white and that there is something violently wrong with white supremacy in the media. I feel my historical amnesia directly causes the uneasiness and anger that I feel but cannot link to any concrete reason. It leads to the questioning of my sanity under gaslighting from others when I cannot explain my offense at certain utterances. The amnesia stands directly between my self and the truths of our past. On a number scale I might say my historical amnesia is a 7? Over time I have chosen to search for other truths and for the histories that are blanketed by packed-in snow. But rather than a number, I feel historical amnesia through sadness and longing. I identify with my Mexican family and ancestors but realized in high school that I knew very little about Mexican history in comparison to white American history. And I constantly realize the truths that I have taken for granted and as undebatable and how those “truths” have seeped into the folds of my mind and have taken root to be acted out through my biases and stereotypes that I have internalized.