JE #3A

Cultural Schizophrenia can have different meanings for everyone. I personally have experienced cultural schizophrenia for most of my life. For me, cultural schizophrenia means to constantly question and try to figure out my true identity and/or beliefs. Over the years, I’ve come to realize that there is no one identity to define me. I am a womyn of color, I am a Chicana, and I am queer. Coming to terms or accepting my true identities, has been difficult. Having to question myself, my family, my cultural and religious beliefs, and to an extent my intellect, has been tough. For most folks, growing up in a Latin@ families, people expect the womyn to present themselves, physically, emotionally, and mentally a certain way.  I was very fortunate to grow up in a semi-progressive family, where I was allowed to be myself. However, in school, your peers expect you to fit the “norm.” This means, girls talk about boys and such, while boys play sports. Although, at this time in elementary, I already knew I felt different because I did not like boys, or I pretended to, just to fit in. Looking back, at those times, and comparing them to the times I had to attend religious classes on the weekends, I could remember thinking to myself why were we always talking about a man and a womyn. Although I knew I liked girls then, I never felt like I could verbally question those teaching classes because I did not feel comfortable enough to let people know that I was “different,” and that is probably why, I told my mom I never wanted to attend those classes again, and so I didn’t.   Another identity crisis I have had is the one where I questioned my race/ethnicity. For a while, I used to say I was American, then Mexicana then American again. This was around high school. I felt like I was rejecting my culture because I would hear things that would fuck with my head (excuse my language). People like friends and some family that were expecting me to be with a guy, go to college, get married, have kids, blah blah blah. Things like that messed with my head because deep down, I loved womyn, I did not want to go to college (and I didn’t), I did not want to get married or have kids. And by saying I was American, I felt like I had more freedom to be anything I wanted to be, or at least that is how I felt at the time. It was not until I took my first Chican@ course a few years ago, that I started coming to terms with all my identities and accepting myself for who I was. Today, I embrace my culturas, gender, sexuality, language and spirituality, because at the end of the day, they all somehow intersect one another and allow me to identify with all.