My border consciousness

I am very sorry for my late posting. I post my comment about my border consciousness here, since I can't express my learning & thinking  well in class,  because of my language level.

First of all, I thought it is very interested in facing my several contradictions when crossing borders. I have lots of contradictions in myself, between "traditional" and "progressive", "extroversive" and "introversive", "conservative"and "liberal"etc..

For example, I didn't like Japanese closed society for a long time, because there are a lot of male oriented hierarchies in Japan, there are disciples, but less liberties, exchanges. But my mother tongue is absolutely Japanese, I couldn't communicate with people fluently in another languages. That made me so upset, I felt inferiority because I didn't speak English well. Neither Spanish, not perfect at all (still now).  So I didn't like I was a Japanese neither especially when I was outside of Japan, I wanted to be born in different diverse country or English speaking countries. I just only looked at outside before. I yearned for diversities.

I was interested in Chicana/o cultures, because I had such a contradiction, I wanted to know about dualities, the way of border-crossing. In Japanese society, we have a word " half" for mixed race people, but, it is definitely different from Chicana/o, because still the definition of"half" is so limited, in addition, there are no effective affirmative actions in Japan, we still have a lot of prejudices to differences, unfortunately.

So before this class, nobody promoted me to think about my contradictions, including the field of education. I felt I was encouraged to think about more by facing my contradictions. It was so pleased to me, because it looked flexible way of thinking.  I couldn't read class textbooks all, but I got influenced by " Borderlands/La Frontera" a lot, for example, description of facing the wound, and trying to have a new hybrid consciousness.

 I think "border consciousness" comes from sense of loss of fixed concepts.I realized one of my borders when I was here on the day Japan suffered from huge earthquake, March 11, 2011. I was in Los Angeles at that time to do research. I saw on TV,  many houses were swallowed up by Tsunami wave. It was horrible. Some Japanese told me not to come back to Japan, because there was in danger of radioactive contamination by nuclear power plant accident. Some people in Japan told me like " everything is ok! " But, everyone said different things, including news. Unfortunately we can't see the degree of the air, sea pollution by radioactivities. That made me so scared, I was by myself here, I wasn't sure what really happened in Japan. Some news even said that so many airplanes to Japan stopped by the disaster. Everyone here told me like" How is your family? You're so lucky staying here," but, I didn't feel so. I was very anxious if I could go back or not, I was very worried about that I couldn't make sure what happened in Japan actually. I thought how unsure images of a country were, too. 

 Also when I safely went back to Japan, some people told me like " You're so lucky, because you were outside of Japan! "It was sarcastic.  I thought so many people inside/ outside, hardly understood my feeling, my anxiety. I was emotionally alone. So I wanted to share experiences honestly with other people, some people had same feeling like me, I was relieved. But sometimes Japanese people just forgot, or tried not to think about it anymore. I thought I need to be independent, because I really imagined that I lost my place to go back, it was very strong moment to me.When I saw sinking of Japan in March11, 2011, outside of Japan,  I somehow lost my sense of inside. Before, Japan was just relatively safe inside to me, but after that, I clearly realized there is no safe inside anymore. Actually, a lot of people lost their home by the Tsunami. I can't totally forget about it until now, because it is part of my story, too. Then I started to think again about "border"and "exchange", notion of "home"  or "network". Especially I started questioning of relationship between "home" and place. When I was writing my MD, I felt commons with chicana/o artists, because their expressions are close to my feelings.

The reason I do research about Chicano/Mexican mural arts is also from similar interests as those. I think cultural exchanges are definitely ways to cross borders, like Chicana/o or Mexican Muralists exchanged the techniques, aesthetic senses when they made murals. Immobile mural arts sometimes represent spiritual feelings of belonging to common-memories for a specific people beyond fixed national images, and mural can make own specific cultural spaces based-on specific local site, too.  I think those cultural products have possibilities to transcend so many people's anxieties in borderlands.

Lastly, I want to say thank you to everyone in the class.  Thank you so much for sharing your ideas with me, I am lucky to listen to all of your ideas in the class. It is very fruitful to think about my borders more.  In addition, thank you for cooperation with my questionnaire, too. I will surely reflect your answers on my studies with respect.  I am looking forward to listening to your last discussion, too. 

Extra Credit: SER!

Ser! Is a one muxer performed show that takes the audience through a match of nepantla between location, culture, and identity. The show gives light to Argentina’s political climate, the Chican@ culture of LA, and the Anzoategui family dynamics and it’s all sewn with techniques from the Theater of the Oppressed methods that Karen has talked about in her other performances like Catholic School Daze.

Karen’s performances never cease to amaze me. Witnessing if only a preview of her performance, Ser!  I was able to pick up both the hurt and healing processes of finding place and peace. She physically crosses borders but finds herself constricted to the culture borders that are set based on narrow mentalities of “what it means to be from here.” It’s a struggle that Anzoategui is able to perform and at the same time show us how she overcame this othering culture by finding the comfort in her contradictions, mestiza consciousness. Along with location, Karen finds herself being policed by gender expectations as she’s discouraging from playing the “boys game” of soccer. She does it anyway and Karen’s ongoing soccer-game-style narration takes the “boys game” and makes it her own.

Announcing the point-winning events in her life, gave the audience a taste of accomplishment and excitement to the small wins or big wins in her life. It also made me think back to when I was a kid and scoring checkpoints as if my life were a huge car race. I wonder why this part of the performance stood out to me and I realize that this was a form of finding survival in our oppression. It’s not about trying to fit in its about being, its simply para ser! 

Extra Credit #2: Karen Anzoategui's performance of Ser

     This is the second time I have seen Karen Anzoategui perform. Catholic School Daze was performed in De Neve Auditorium but Ser was performed in a very intimate theatre in downtown. I had only been to performances in similar rooms a few times before. Like with the end of Catholic School Daze, Karen incorporated the audience by having us kick back a soccer ball to her and hold up signs as well as with us being the clapping audience. Her performances have so much life and everyone in the room feels interconnected.
     I have realized that I am able to map out the stages of mestiza consciousness within characters in other books I am reading and I noticed the stages in Ser as well. The performance had the running influence of Diego Maradona, the Argentine soccer player Karen looked up to and later looked to for advice in his corporeal form of her soccer ball. Karen constantly moves between East Los Angeles and Argentina and is criticized as not really being from either location. She is never enough of one to really fit in. She experiences linguistic terrorism in Argentina as well as in the U.S. Her language is constantly being policed and criticized. We also see the relationship with her parents and her brothers. An absent father personified as James Brown who has control and influence over their life and location who abuses his wife. Karen is always being told that she cannot go to soccer games, that they are not for girls and that they are too dangerous for her. She realizes what her culture does to her and finally is able to go to a soccer game in downtown LA where she and her brother are the only Argentines in the crowd.
    In the end, Karen argues with the undocuqueer from East LA and proudly states who she is and that she does not have to live up to every expectation. She creates a new world, stating that we can create our own spaces by telling our own stories. This is the point where she reaches mestiza consciousness. She knows her borders and is healing herself by accepting herself and telling her story.

Extra Credit #1: Karen Anzoategui's Catholic School Daze

     I went to this performance knowing nothing of Karen Anzoategui's performances. As a single person performance it was very intimate. She was the only person onstage during all times even though she was not the only character on stage. Before the show began, we were told to walk among the set and Karen who was on the floor. To me, Karen playing the people in her life so believably shows how much she is affected by their past actions. The life that she is able to bring to her performances shows the strong love and hatred that she experienced in her life. She showed her pain and experiences through comedy and a retelling of her life through her teenage self's eyes. It felt so ludicrous and unbelievable that she was falsely accused of kissing Amanda Rodriguez and was forced to come out in this way. Throughout the performance we saw how she dealt with her Catholic school and her religious world at home and how those were both against her queer identity. The end of the performance is a scene of Karen deeply cutting herself on both shoulders. Those scars are real. She survived and tells this deeply moving story through her performance of Catholic School Daze. After the performance she shared bread and told every member of the audience, "You're beautiful." I also loved this part of the performance. We were not just people watching a story, we are all connected and our stories interconnect with one another.        

Extra Credit #2: "Ser"

Karen Anzoategui’s one-woman show of “Ser” was amazing. She was able to cover certain themes of identity, family, sexual identity, and soccer into an almost ninety minute performance, never once leaving the audience feeling bored or disconnected. What was interesting about her performance was how her borders in her life aren’t that much different then the borders in many of our lives.

Anzoategui lived in East LA but is actually Argentine descent and she used that for much of the show. What I found interesting is that Argentina and Mexico/U.S. aren’t every much different. She mentioned how Los desaparecidos and Las madres de la Plaza de Mayo are still very much alive and searching for their children, effects from La Guerra Sucia in the 70’s in Argentina. She made a comment during the show how shocked she was to learn about this, how thousands of men and women went missing (many were drugged and thrown out of planes into the Río Plata) and said that “the U.S. would never do anything like this” reminded me of how Los desaparecidos reminds me of the mujeres from Júarez and how hundreds of bodies have gone missing along the border.

She also reminded me how Chicanos, first-generation Mexicans, and herself (with her Argentine accent) experience linguistic terrorism. Many would make fun of her accent and question what kind of Spanish she was speaking (from a Spanish linguistic area, which is one of my areas of interest, her accent is called español ríoplatense) and she would have to explain that it was an accent from Buenos Aires. It just goes to show how Argentinians aren’t so different from mexicanos. Anzoategui also experienced, along with Linguistic Terrorism, Internalized Racism from other Latinos who would put her down for being from Argentina. Even though she was raised in East LA and considers herself Chicana, there still seems to be riffs within the Latino/a community as to who can be considered Latino/a and/or Chicano/a. Since she was from Argentina, many would ridicule her for being more European than Latino/a.

She also goes through her stages of Mestiza Consciousness, from being aware of her borders to the Coatlicue State to even achieving Mestiza Consciousness at the end, knowing that she can tolerate and accept the contradictions and ambiguities in her life. That she can be queer and Chicana and from Argentina all at the same time. That she can be a mujer who loves soccer, too. All in all, the performance was touching yet comedic with enough heartfelt situations to make you accept your state of nepantla and enjoy that you are neither from here nor form there, but rather, you are yourself.

JE #8

Before taking this course, I did not know that the Juarez femicides were occurring. Desert Blood by Profe provided a historical viewpoint to these homicides by first informing the public of the murders. Without someone telling the story then who will know that such injustices occur in our world. The political background of this injustice is that the book gives clarification as to the structures that motivate these murders. The maquiladora is in itself a factory that is made to exploit humans and relinquish them once they have been exhausted. These factories are draining human life and the importance of life. With these machines people are seen as simply machines that could be used and abused. By being stripped of their humanity, the womyn who work in these factories are battered, abused, raped, murdered, and who knows what else. The creation of these factories is for no other reason than profit. Through the creation of Nafta, international corporations are able to abuse the workers from Mexico and violate their human rights. When watching Bordertown, I was in shock and disbelief. I am angered by the fact that I did not know about this film prior to border consciousness or of the Juarez femicides. Entry Denied further made me conscious of how borders have been used to regulate womyn and gay people. The various polices that have gone through this country’s legislation have been biased against women for example the legislation called the Chinese Exclusion Acts. The fact that these immigration policies happened and are currently happening show how White America still has a prerogative of eugenics. All humans have the birth right of crossing any land they feel like crossing. Only because of human greed, people are bound to imaginary borders that become visible with the blood that has been spilled on them by innocent people.

EXTRA CREDIT #2 Karen Anzoategui Performance of SER!

What a performance. I am still amazed at the whole show she gave us. From the live band, to the music selection, to the performance of her life growing up. As Profe mentioned to me earlier, I, too was able to see the different stages of reaching Mestiza Consciousness. Both Karen and her mother definitely suffered from historical amnesia and internalized homophobia. Karen, however entered the serpent at an early age. She knew she was different in terms of sexuality. It took Karen a long time to explore and accept that. She was definitely in the Nepantla stage several times, as she was torn between living her life in Argentina and in Los Angeles. Karen was always eager to learn about the history of her country. Since birth, she has been a fan of Diego Maradona, an Argentinian soccer player from the mid-80's and 90's. Through Diego, she was able to face her Shadow Beast several times. It was through these experiences that Karen learned to let go of everything that was harming her internally, physically, and mentally. She decided to move away from Argentina and back to the U.S. in order to grow and learn about herself and her insecurities. Once she was able to freely come out to her family, she was able to reach Mestiza Consciousness. It took her many painful experiences, like her father beating her mother, to her own mother beating Karen and expecting her to follow certain roles, that she was able to come to terms with her own self. As I had previously seen Catholic School Daze, her coming out performance, I was able to compare both performances to understand Karen as a whole. This performance of her life story definitely was one of the best I have ever seen. She is an amazing and well-rounded performer.

JE #6 Character Race-A-Thon

Mama Chona, Angie, Felix, Miguel Grande, Miguel Chico, Juanita, Lola, JoEl, Nina, and Lena.

1. Lola- She cheated her friendship with Juanita by having an affair with Miguel Grande. although she hurt Juanita, she wanted to regain her friendship. She is an independent thinker. She moved to Los Angeles to get away from the drama she created and leaves Miguel Grande with hopes of returning to him.
2. Nina- She enters the serpent and goes through the Coatlicue state. She tries to learn about her culture through spirituality.
3. Lena- Does not agree with the system and wants justice. She is conscious of the legal injustices.
4. Joel- He does not have a good relationship with his father. He is a victim or sexual violence. He is sexist towards his mother.
5. Miguel Chico- He is culturally schizophrenic, suffers from internal homophobia. Moves to San Francisco to get away and forget his past. He thrives off his father's confession, since growing up his father controlled his actions. He psychologically studies his past.
6. Angie- She is a victim of the linguistic terrorism condition. She does not speak English very well.
7. Felix- He suffers from internalized homophobia. Has a colonized mind and uses his power in the way he treats those who he hires to work for him.
8. Juanita- She is internally sexist. Dislikes women for her husband's infidelity. She chooses to stand by her husband.
9. Miguel Grande- Thrives off the "American dream." He is internally racists because his mother instilled that in him. He is homophobic. Because he works for an oppressive system, he does not seek justice for his brother's case.
10. Mama Chona- In in denial when it comes to her cultural history. She is the most schizophrenic and experiences the most historical amnesia. She chooses to portray her Spanish roots as her main identity and expects the same from her family. She wants to be light skinned and is misogynistic towards Mexican womyn. She is internally racist and sexist

JE#8: Murder, Misogyny, and U.S. Immigration Policy

Prior to this class, I encountered this Tree of Death in the Folwer Museum at UCLA with my mother created in memory of the Juarez femicides. My mother talked about young woman at the south of border working in factories and murders plaguing their lives in Juarez. I asked her why? She said, “Mija no se pero ten cuidado cuando sales.” She planted the seed of my curiosity about the femicides and no one else could answer my questions of why?, who?, how?, or what?. 

Entry Denied by Ethne Lubheid and Desert Blood by la Profe gave me answers or clues to my questions. According to Eithne, “Rapes of women of color, poor women, and ‘unchaste’ women often did not count within the official categories of rape, and these exclusions also shape contemporary institutional responses.” (Entry Denied, 104) making it clear why these femicides are not reported or hidden in the shadows. Historically the border has been keeping out women that do not fit the white heteropatriarchy of America promoting a white culture. Also, American policies especially NAFTA are driving these women to the border for work. There isn’t a particular chapter in Desert Blood that moved me or shocked me the most on its own. The chapters that moved me were the ones in Irene’s perspective because she is in this state of Nepantla subjected to the experience of brutality inflicted on other women of Juarez. Gregory Nava’s film "Bordertown" allowed me to visualize the deaths at the border making the femicides more horrendous. These femicides have been gnawing at my soul ever since I became more informed by Entry Denied, Desert Blood, and "Bordertown".

JE #9

1.     I feel like I have learned a great deal more about the Treaty of Guadalupe in this course than I ever had at once before.  By breaking down each artcile of the Treaty, we were given insight to the injustices infused in micromanaged wording.  The subject that was completely new to me was that of the Juarez femicides.  I know so miuch more about what has happened, the NAFTA's affect on it, and the laws that protect the perpetrator while encouraging una cultura de silencio. 

2.     I feel like, since coming to college, I am in a constant state of acknowelding new borders (the first step), occasionally identifying snake bites.  I have identified my religious border, my political border, the borders I hold between English and Spanish, between being a modern woman and being an old-fashioned lady. 

3.     I feel like the Coatlicue State is so amorphous and grand that I struggle to see where it fits into life in it's milder forms - if it has milder forms.  I question if the experience I think I've had with it is actually an example of it. 

5.     6/10 - In some ways, I am still aknowledging where my inconsistensies lie criss-crossed along my being, finally feeling the snake bites that have occurred throughout my life. In one sense, I have dipped my toes in the silky, engrossing water of the Coatlicue State.  The films and readings have served to open my eyes to all of the ways that these borders can come to be and all of the different life experiences and modes of thinking that I hadn't yet been exposed to and am now very conscious of. 

Extra Credit #2: El Norte

El Norte

The first time I saw EL Norte was in 9^th grade but I did not understand why this story was so special. I saw it again in 12^th grade and that is when I realized that these immigrants were not from Mexico but from Guatemala, which means have to assimilate or try to fit in not just once but twice. The film being split up in 3 parts shows, how different their stories are in each stage.  Throughout the film the two characters, Enrique and Rosa find themselves following this American Dream. They have these perceived idea that even the poor people have cars and this is what motivates them to travel to a ‘guaranteed’ better life.

In the film we see a similar stereotyping of these two when they are in Mexico. I find this to be similar to Rudy Robles’s experience of being stereotyped for being Mexican just by appearance. At first, la migra thinks Enrique and Rosa are from somewhere else because of their language but are then easily stereotyped when they start using the word ‘chingar’. When they finally reach el Norte, Rosa’s experience of being a house cleaner is similar to Concha’s from The Flower in the Skull. Concha is also from a small village but then finds herself having to do things for other people from a culture she is not familiar with. This is also what Rosa has to go through with the Anglo family.

Overall, I like how the film portrays many aspects of the immigrant such as struggle, perceived ideas, stereotypes and assimilation. This film also tells a story that is not commonly told; the story of immigrants from central America. When people usually see Latina/os the automatically think, Mexican! But this film shows the double struggle central Americans go through. Also the final scenes when Rosa is extremely ill in the hospital, she has a dialogue with Enrique where she says that in their land they did not have a home and they have been left to find a home but the US does not want them. This reminded me of the a quote in Borderlands/La Frontera, “Refugees in a homeland that does not want them, many find a welcome hand holding out only suffering, pain and ignoble death” (Anzaldúa 34). Event though this was not a homeland for Enrique or Rosa, they were in the search for a new home because they no longer had their home. But through their journey, they were just faced with more borders. They had to loses their traditions and native language and try to fit in, into a country that was not willing to accept them. This is a very hard film to watch because one gets sucked into the story but watching made me think of the borders my parents had to face when they immigrated and how living in the US for first generation immigrants has not been easy.