JE #7 Religious Borders

I like to think of myself as a cultural catholic. My family and I never attended church on a regular basis unless there was an event such as a bautizo, quinceañera or wedding. I honestly never liked church because I thought it was boring and hypocritical. At around age 7 or 8, I remember there was a situation where I felt really uncomfortable about going to church. I remember dreading about the time I had to go and confess myself with the father prior to my first communion. I was attending the weekend religion classes and I remember the facilitator saying that we had to be completely honest about our behavior, feelings and what not. In that moment, I was not scared of telling the father that my sisters and I would physically fight on a daily basis, but I was scared to tell him about the feelings I had within. I remember feeling horrible for thinking that I had to confess to the father I liked girls because it was a supposed “bad thing” and according to my facilitator, I had to be honest about my feelings. I remember the feeling of shame I felt within when the father asked me about what I wanted to confess. I really wanted to tell him I liked girls, but deep down I knew that it was against the church. At the time, I did not know what to make of my feelings I just understood that I felt different than most people when it came to my sexual preference. I usually try to forget or ignore that, that ever happened and it was not until Tuesday’s class that I quickly remembered this situation. I think that there is an obvious clash when it comes to my sexuality and the beliefs I was raised with. Thinking back and realizing that the Catholic and Christian religion was one of the strongest tools used to oppress the Latino culture definitely gave me a different perspective about the religion I thought I needed to follow.  I honestly do not know if I find the Catholic or Christian religion empowering. My older sister is a hardcore Christian and she would always harass me because of my sexuality. She would tell me that God disliked homosexuals and so forth. Sure it made me feel horrible at the time, but realizing that I was a good person make me think otherwise about what church was/is teaching such individuals. I still attend church on special occasions, but I do not go in with the mentality that I am not accepted, but with the mentality that I understand the system and know the oppressions it has caused for many centuries. And for the most part, when I do go, it is to support the individual and not the church itself.