Growing up, Catholicism was imposed on
me by my family, mainly my mom. I never questioned it, I just sensed that it
was a family tradition that if ever broken would be a great sin. Now that I am
conscious enough to make my own decisions, I claim Catholicism by my own will,
but have also grown to be more spiritual. One of the aspects about Catholicism
that I find empowering is community. For example, when someone passes families
and community come together to pray what is called a, “novenario”. Which is a prayer
that is intended to help the deceased person cross over to the other side, so ithe
spirit does not wander between both worlds. I disagree with praying to God when
ever you are in a rough situation and expecting prayer to work miracles. I
think it’s good to pray and have hope that the situation will become better,
but it should not disable us from taking action as well. I also disagree with
the fact that the holy trinity is all male. I feel like God shouldn’t have a
gender because that is very patriarchal, I guess that is another thing I
dislike, the patriarchy in the religion. Men can become priests, but women have
to become nuns. I also dislike that in order to have those positions people
need to abstain from having sex. We are sexual beings and I think it’s almost
impossible to ignore those desires. I think priests and nuns should be able to
have families of their own as well, maybe this way priests would not molest
children.
When I came to college and learned how
Catholicism and Christianity were abused and used to control and conquer, I
felt angry and hurt. Part of me felt ignorant for continuing to put this
religion into practice even after it had stripped my ancestors of their real
religious practices. I was torn because although I now knew that it had once
been forcefully imposed on my lineage, I also knew that if I were to stray away
from Catholicism, my mother, a devout believer, would be furious. I felt
dissonance whenever I thought about my religion, but now that I have had time
to think about it and continue to think about it I think I have found a place
where I am happy. I believe in God, but I don’t picture a male when I pray, I
imagine a genderless being that is there for me when I need strength to carry
on in any situation. I am also not super religious, but I still go to church
when I can, I don’t know I think I still need more time to figure myself out
religiously, but for now that is where I stand. Catholicism has definitely influenced
my sexuality, more like has controlled it. I grew up believing that women
should not sleep around and because of it I second think the sexual act when
ever I am with someone. I have only been with one partner and because of this
belief, I know and have found it to be very difficult to engage in sexual
activities with other people. A part of me feels guilty and even ashamed when I
know I shouldn’t, I just cant help it. However, now that I am aware of it I
think I have empowered myself by not feeling ashamed and knowing that it is
okay to have as many partners as I want as long as I, emphasize on the I, am okay with it.
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