J.E.#7

I was raised Catholic, but I was never super religious. Neither were my parents. My grandparents-- that's a different story. I remember having to go to church every Sunday when my abuelita was in town and I would get mad at my mom for making me go. I knew we were being hypocritical about our "faith." Like I said, I was never super religious, but on paper, I'm a pretty good Catholic. I'm baptized, I did my first communion, and I did my confirmation. I learned El Padre Nuestro, but I never prayed before I went to sleep. It's interesting because even though I know this was a huge part in my ancestors' colonization, I still can't help but say or think "Please Diosito" when I really want something to happen. I can't help but make the sign of the cross before I put the car in drive. Frankly, I get frustrated. It makes me sad and nostalgic for a belief system and a culture that I never knew and that I can never fully understand no matter how much I immerse myself in my indigeneity. This has definitely created a border, not just within my family, but between myself and the rest of the Latin@/Chican@ community. I feel slightly alienated because I don't share the same beliefs as much of my community does. Religion, if we look at it as one of the colonizers' tools, also created borders within ourselves. This is one of the many roots of mestizaje and the creation of a new people. I definitely feel the border religion has created within my community, my family, and my self on a daily basis.

..... I have a picture like this somewhere at home. I still find it comical. I remember having to sit there and pretend I was looking at Jesus and I kept thinking..."so... when is he showing up?"