JE#9

 I learned the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo a lot better than I had in the past. I learned the land schemes that were set in place in order to steal land from Mexican landowners. I've have had different courses surrounding the history of the different deportation campaigns so I didn't learn too much that was new in that regard. 

I know now that the US/Mexico was a conquest; that as people of Mexican origin, we are subjects of war.

 I feel like I really understand the Coatlicue State, becoming conscious of different border, and dealing with the Shadow Beast the best. 

I personally have undergone the process of border consciousness to a degree and can trace these three phases. I found myself doing inventory in my life or to put it in policy terms, a cost benefit analysis, in regards to me coming to terms with myself. Then I found myself looking at the things in life that had caused me to repress myself and began to distance or change those things around me. The Coatlicue state is one that I still find myself in to a degree. I still have not fully come to terms with gained full self-acceptance. I have become comfortable without a doubt to a degree as opposed to challenging things. 

I'm having trouble getting past my Coatlicue state and verbalizing or writing down my coming to consciousness. I don't know the medium by which to express my process, I don't see myself as much of an artist and as a writer; I'm an amateur at best. Also the metiza consciousness phase is one that I "feel" like I've reached, but it may just be a facade. 

I feel like I'm still in the Coatlicue state and parts of me are still dealing with the Shadow Beast within me. I've become a rebel in some aspects, yet I find myself conforming in other ways. The readings and these assignments are helping me, but I still feel like I'm going to need nothing less than more time to come to terms with all these contradictions.