JE #9 How Border Conscious Am I?

1. I feel that in reading and learning the true history behind the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo, I have been able to to see the ways in which I have forfeited my destiny and land. I learned about the Battle of the Alamo prior to the U.S/Mexico War, in which the Anglos blamed Mexicans for the deadliest battle which took place in what is now San Antonio. They blamed them for the deaths of the Anglos, when in fact it was the U.S. who provoked and ignited the fight after invaded Mexican territory. I know that the U.S. willingly forced and took land (U.S. Southwest) from Mexico in exchange for "debt to be paid." The U.S. never validated the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo and will ill intent, took out the most important part of the treaty which granted protections of lands grants to Mexican Citizens. They promised U.S. citizenship to all Mexican@s living in the newly acquired U.S. territory, yet they changed the treaty to give them discretion as to when they would allow them to become citizens. They robbed us and we never did anything about it. Until present day, those folks have not been compensated for their losses.

2. I feel like I can now name the borders I have encountered in my personal life and in my consciousness raising. I have encountered my shadow beast many times. I have been in the Coatlicue State. I believe these along with the other Anzaldua steps are necessary to reach a Mestiza Consciousness. I have been in the state in which I questioned my sexuality, my culture, my racial and ethnic identity. Society and even culture expects so much from me not only as a Mexicana but as a mujer. I think that once I came out as a queer mujer and owned that identity, I was able to freely express myself without the fear rejection. Also, through this course, I was able to reflect on the physical, geographical, mental, sexual and emotional borders that I have crossed and continue to cross on a daily basis. I think that currently, the geographical border is one that hits close to home because of the type of work I do. I have a privilege and that is my legal status. Most of my clients don't have that privilege of having legal status, and so it is sometimes hard to cope with the work that I do. I try to help them in any way possible to make sure that they too can obtain "legal" status which is something my family was able to do through the immigration reform in the 80's.

3. I don't know if it is difficult to understand but Iately I have experienced the Coatlicue many times. I question myself and my educational abilities. Maybe it is because I am in the process of applying to law school. There are hardly any womyn of color who attend law school, so being a minority within a minority scares me. There is also the fear of getting rejected. I guess that I get passed through the Coatlicue state and yet at times I go back to it.

5. I feel like I am at the point of reaching Mestiza Consciousness, although at times I do fall back into the coatlicue state. Nonetheless, I feel like I continue to expand my consciousness through learning about issues I had not previously learned about. The films and readings are blowing my mind, but at the same times, I am able to speak about these with my friends and family. I also believe my cousin has helped me out in the process towards reaching Mestiza Consciousness.