JE #9: How Border Conscious Am I?

1.     The historical aspect of the borderlands that I feel I have learned best are the historical circumstances underlying the creation of the border within the context of the Treaty of Guadalupe-Hidalgo.  Before this course, I knew next to nothing about the U.S.-Mexican border or what its relation to the border.  I now recognize this as an enormous event for all brown and indigenous cultures, bodies, psyches, etc.  Moreover, Arnoldo de Leon’s Greasers, though at time repetitive because of its subtle nuances, provides a crucial historical overview of the interpersonal, internal, and institutional formation of Anglo-Mexican relations in the aftermath of the war of the tremendous implications of both occurrences for every generation of Mexicans to come.

2.     One of Dr. Anzaldua’s theories I feel I know best is the concept of Nepantla and the Shadow Beast.   I realize that I embody Nepantla in everything from my skin, hair, body, and cultural makeup.  Additionally, when I begin to examine my relationship to each of these encapsulations of Nepantla within a context of assimilation, internalized racism, cultural schizophrenia and more was invaluable and illuminating.  Shadow Beast was another theory which I further familiarized myself with.  This theory applies to my life as I better see the complex ways in which I still embody the monstrous aspects of the Shadow Beast in certain arenas in my life that were difficult to grapple with before.  I’ve also come to see they ways in which I am the rebel of the Shadow Beast through my sexuality in complicated ways.

3.     One of Dr. Anzaldua’s theories I had difficulties with has been mestiza consciousness.  One phrase which has been a major source of confusion described M.C. as a toleration of ambiguities and contradictions.  A differentiation between the external and internal would lead to more clarification on this crucial concept.

5.     I do not know how I would rate my own level of border consciousness at this point in the course as there are so many aspects from which to gauge myself upon.  For example, with regard to my religious identity and masculinity I am only just beginning to face my Shadow Beast.  In other aspects, such as my sexuality I thought I was closer to mestiza consciousness, but I now think that I often vacillate between the state of Shadow Beast and Coatlicue.  In regards to my cultural and historical amnesia as well as cultural assimilation I feel as though I am “entering the serpent” but I know that for all of these aspects of my identities I am likely to repeat some of these states again.  Given this complexity, I don’t want to rate my level of border consciousness. 

     I do feel that the films, readings, and blog posts especially have caused me to give greater introspection into difficult and uncomfortable parts of my identity and experiences which I struggle to face before this course.  However, these difficulties gave me great pleasure as well because I feel as though I have learned so much historically and culturally from “The Ballad of Gregorio Cortez” and “Bordertown”, Entry Denied, Greasers, Desert Blood, and Rain God.  They are also notable in what they have made me realize about my queerness, my family, my religiosity, my romantic relationships, and so much more.  These realizations have allowed me to develop a better understanding of myself and given historical and cultural context into the formation of my borders.  Additionally, they have given me a thirst for further personal development that I can’t wait to further explore.