JE#7

Both my parents were born and raised in Catholic homes; therefore it was only natural that they raise us in an akin manner. We went to church together, as a family, every Sunday up until I was five years old, after my grandma moved back to Mexico I only went whenever my parents forced my brother and I to go. From a young age I recall going to church and having to sit very quietly. I wasn’t supposed to talk with my brother or cousins, I was supposed to stand, sit, kneel and rise whenever it was asked of me. Slowly as the years passed, the number of times that we attended church dwindled. We stopped going all together, except for the “religious holidays”, like the week of Easter and Christmas mass. After my brother turned seventeen, I remember he refused to go with us to church. I recall how upset that made my parents, not wanting to disappoint them I would go with them and attend mass every so often. I had reservations about what was being talked about in church, I didn’t agree with some of the things that were talking about during mass. Because I never completed my first communion, I was never exposed to the details of the religion. I have vague memories of my grandmother praying with her rosary, I recall her wanting me to join her, not wanting to say no, I would simply sit next to her until she was done. I was able to appreciate her strong beliefs and was comforted by the idea that “God is with me” every time crossed me before leaving my house. I find the tale of god creating man and woman, the world, and everything in it in seven days, hard to believe. I have never truly dismissed the notion, as I do believe in a high power. Leaning about Aztecs and their beliefs in different deities makes much more sense to me, its mother earth working together, all these powers forming into a cohesive collaboration. The notion that the Spanish invaded the Aztecs and succeeded in colonizing them through Christianity and Catholicism encourages my skepticism about the religion. Knowing that religion was a form of oppression my ancestry went through makes me feel like I’m taping into colonization and therefore complying with the notion that I need a savior from my ancestral savagery. Although the Aztecs beliefs paralleled some concepts of Christianity and Catholicism, they were still looked at primitive for their sacrifices and way of living. Therefore, I don’t see how it is possible to decolonize Christian beliefs because those who follow the religion are self-inflicting the tool that was used in attempts to exorcise the “savage” out of indigenous people.

An additional reason as to why I have my reservations about committing to Catholicism is because of the narrow view on sex, gender and sexuality. Growing up I was criticized for the way I dressed, how I spoke and whom I spent my time with. The women in my family always expressed their concerns “Aren’t you afraid of what people with think about you, Don’t you think its time you get a boyfriend, If you keep dressing like that, you’re going to be mistaken for a lesbian or something” and the list of homophobic comments and questions continues. I strongly believe that religion has impacted my family and created an unspoken division. I know that in the Latino community being gay or lesbian continues to be viewed as wrong, offensive and highly inappropriate, but this is due to historical amnesia. In Aztec society same sex relationships were common. If a woman was good at hunting she would be the head of the family and she could chose to form a relationship and family with whoever she pleased and the community wouldn’t think twice about it. But after colonization, same sex relationship became taboo because “it meant going against God.” I therefore have a problem sitting through mass today when I go with my parents because I know that as soon as I step into the house of God, I will be crossing over a border that I have yet to gain comfort with.